what a day.....

My head hurts, my eyes hurt, my heart hurt. I have already gone thru a couple phases of grief today. I was shoked, sad and now i am down right mad! Why did this happen? Why do i hav to tell my little boys they are not gonna have a baby! They dont understand that it would of happened whether i got out of bed or not this weekend. Unfortunatly we dont have any medical answers on why it happened. I dont want it to happen again, so do i take the chance of getting preggo again or do I trust God with the size my family is and accept that their will be no more babies? I am afraid i am going to get obbsesive about getting pregnant now and every month I will be dissapointed. I have started reading the SHACK again and am hoping that, that will help me not blame God or blame him for this terriable loss.