I am going to try and make a point to get on here when I have my good days. I don't know why it is but for some reason I seem to only write when I am having a rough day. I want you all to know that I do have good days in between my rough days. I really have just been dealing w/ a broken heart. Some days I laugh, some days I am angry and other days I am really sad. I feel like I am one the longest roller coaster every made.
Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
I am brokenhearted. I lost my baby boy and I really do not know how to get through it, except that I keep waking up every morning and I keep praying every day to ask God to hold me up.
John 14:27 Peace I leave you, My peace I give to you, not as the world gives, do I give to you.
I am walking in his peace. His peace is the only thing that is getting me through this. I may have alot of questions about what happened with Zeke and I may not understand why he had to die, but I still have peace. I can't explain it but I can be full of questions and yet still have the peace of God.
My boys are the best medicine! They are putting smiles on my face and constantly doing something to make me laugh. They can pull me out of any funk that I may be in, in a matter of min. Malachi is our comedian! He is always saying something silly, burping & saying that is a sign my tank is full! Even when Malachi asked me if he could have my iphone when I died, that cracked me up. They are constantly giving me hugs and kisses and just being silly. They remind me that even though Zeke died, he still is apart of our family. They like to talk about him and what he is doing in heaven w/ pawpaw. They wonder if Pop is teaching him baseball and pushing him around in a golden stroller. Since I have told him he is in heaven watching over us like Angels they now think they have a brother w/ wings like a superhero ...... "No one in our class has a superhero as a brother mom that is AWESOME!!" We went to Ikea to walk around and look at some new bedroom furniture for the boys and I am not joking when I say this.... Malachi opened up every fridge, hoping to find food and layed on almost every bed and pretended to snore and then bam he was up and on to the next bed. All while asking me to take pictures of him being silly. Elijah was visiting my parents last month and they had hotdogs one day, my mom asked him why he wasn't eating it yet and he replied, "I gotta wait until my crack cools down!" Even if you are crying and really having a bad day it is those silly statements from my boys that are getting me through our darkest moment.
So I do get mad, and I do get very sad but 10 minutes later my boys will say something that makes me laugh so hard I could pee my pants and that is why I am so thankful to have the joy of the Lord all over my house. I am so glad that I have my boys and my husband to keep me laughing even when somedays all I want to do is cry.
Here is a few pictures of my crazy boys!