Elijah turned 8 and I caught myself looking at his baby pictures and imaging that is exactly what Zeke looked like. David had his birthday and Zeke wasn't here w/ us. The nightmare is still going on, but we have moments where it seems like we are in such a fog that we feel normal for awhile and then all of a sudden we "wake up" and it all comes flooding back, & I ask myself all over again..... Did I really carry a child for 9 months? Was he really stillborn? Did I really have to sign a death certificate and sign it "mother"?
Grief is different for everyone and just because someone is grieving a different way or coping an odd way doesn't mean they are not suffering a great loss. We just want to be heard, we just want a hug and a shoulder to cry on. I am so afraid he will be forgotten and I can't talk about him. I am so afraid that I have to push this sadness under the rug because my "time limit" of being sad has expired.