dates.....

Dates ..... They always haunted me after Zeke was born I was consumed w/ all the significant dates that surrounded him like January 7th the day we found out he was sick, May 21 the day his heart stopped, & May 25 the day I delivered him. Even the time 11:05 of his arrival haunted me for over a month.
I would dread these days more than anything. I could tell they were coming near just by my attitude & how cranky I would get. When the dates came I was very emotional & would relive every second of that day & cry. I could tell you to the second how long it has been since he died, until this month. I was driving home from work last night & it dawned on me that all those dates passed me & I never dwelt on them. At 1st I was shocked & then I was relieved that maybe just maybe I was moving past all the sadness & all the grief.
Now it doesn't mean I don't ever think of him cause I do constantly I do, but when I do I smile I dont cry uncontrollably we laugh about him & dream about what he is doing in heaven today. He is so much alive in our hearts he will always be apart of us. But no longer do I feel guilty that I laugh & I smile & for that I am so grateful