Tuesday, March 22, 2011

1 month

The whole family together minus by gang, David, Elijah & Malachi

All the grandkids together w/ John. Oh how Grandma would of loved this photo!

Jessica and I with John

It will be a month tomorrow since my grandma went to heaven. It is so hard to believe it has been a month and while we all met at her house to say goodbye & show our respects. I got back on a plane & went back to my crazy life being a mom, student and working full time. Life stood still for me that week I was in Oregon and since then it has really made me ponder what was truly important in my life. Yes I pondered the same thing after my father in law died and then when Zeke died, but we get so busy and life happens, before we know it we are stressed out, short with our kids and frustrated because we don't have a clean house and folded laundry. When something tragic happens it is like we get shocked by electricity and we really savor life and how quickly it can all be over.

I have had a rough month w/ trust and believing that God has a purpose and a plan for all this pain. He knows the end of the book and even though we only see a sentence he knows what will need to be written next in order for us to get the ending he has planned for us. So the frustration is only human and the "talks" in the car to God lately have been out of desperation, pain, grief, and sometimes pure fear. To know that he is okay with my anger is so comforting because I know that he is the one and only who takes me as I am and loves me regardless of my emotions. He knows I have to get thru this in order to receive my joy later down the road.

It was bittersweet getting together with all my family because we all knew how much grandma wanted that and how unfortunately life just kept getting in the way of all of us being able to take off work and travel out there at the same time. She was a wonderful woman and showed us how to truly love her family and put them first. I hope and pray I can be the kind of mother who shows unconditional love and support to my family as she did. She was always telling us to make sure our words were sweet because we may have to eat them later. ;) I love you Grandma and wish you knew how much you impacted my life.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Stef,

    I love your post in reminding us what is really most important! My heart goes out to you as you have the mourning of your Grandmother along with the tender sadness of your Zeke! I love that even in accepting your pain, you bare witness of your strength and the role our Savior plays in your life! How grateful I am to know that the atonement of our Savior means he suffered ALL that I/WE experience and in that can be the only means to provide true peace, healing, happiness and guidance!

    The passing of my brother was the hardest trial of sorrow I have ever experienced! And while I don't believe the pain has lessened over these past 5 years, I know and rejoice in the fact that because of my Savior, I will one day be reunited with him again. That gives me so much joy, even while I still shed my tears of sorrow as I miss my brother!!

    Those we love become a part of us and we never stop loving them, missing them, anticipating our reuniting!

    You have a beautiful family Stef and I really appreciate your example of faith and love!