Monday, March 15, 2010

Amazing Legacy.....

Today a great man was born. Today my Grandpa Pearce has the best birthday present any of us could have given him. He would of been 74 years old today. 15 years ago he went to be w/ Jesus & dance on the streets of gold. To this day it is hard to believe he has been gone for 15 years. As I sit here writing this I am eating a donut & drinking chocolate milk. That had become a Saturday morning ritual. Him and Grandma would come out to the house & bring breakfast before they started to work on remodeling our house. It was one of those same morning's that he pulled me aside & told me I was his legacy. I admit I didn't understand exactly what he was saying, but 1 thing & that was he was telling me goodbye. He knew Jesus was going to be taking him home soon. He wanted to make sure that I would not be angry w/ God, but that I would chase after God, trust in him & let his will be done in my life.

I was 13 years old when he went to be w/ Jesus & I can also say it was the first time my faith was crushed. I have grown alot in 15 years. What I thought to believe when I was 13 is not the same as I believe now @ 28. For along time I resented God, I was angry at God for taking such a Godly man home to heaven so soon. I was young, selfish, & I didn't understand God's purpose. Some thing's I still don't understand, but what I do know now is that God has a plan. He works everything out for his good.

15 years later & I knew I would have to deal w/ death again at some point in my life, but never did I think I would be facing it w/ my own child. My grandpa had the wisdom & knowledge I could only dream of when it came to a relationship with Jesus. I have felt that relationship with Jesus these last few months more than I ever could of imagined. I may not have the scripture knowledge by memory, but I do have the relationship w/ God that I know my grandpa had. I remember going over to visit & grandpa would be in the garage stripping wire & I would hear him talking to someone, but when I went out there it was just him. He would tell me he was talking to his friend Jesus.

I don't understand why bad things have to happen. I don't understand why my grandpa had to die, & I don't understand why my baby may die. The one thing I do know & that I have learned in the last 2 months is that God isn't causing this. He does not want to see his flock hurting. He doesn't like to see our tear stained pillows & hear our prayers of sorrow. What he does like is that when we are in pain, we come to him. It doesn't mean it is easy & it doesn't mean sometimes that we may like it, but @ the end of the day God is God & he knows what is best for us. We do not see the big picture we can not imagine what will happen 10, 15 years down the road. God does see the big picture & just like 15 years ago when i was grieving over the loss of my grandpa God was preparing me in some way for the trial I am going thru now w/ Zeke. I know if God does choose to take my baby to heaven I will be angry & I will not understand, but I also have to believe I will not turn away from God like I did after Grandpa died. I have to believe that I am strong enough in my faith to trust him even in my darkest hour.

Today more than ever I truly believe I am following in my Grandpa's legacy. I believe he truly would be proud of me. His legacy isn't necessarily standing behind a pulpit preaching like he did for so many years, but it is living his faith out in the everyday things of life. It is standing strong in what you believe in, even when other's think you are wrong. Following in his legacy is carrying Zeke in my belly as long as I can, even though I know the possibility of him surviving without a miracle are close to nothing. Every sunset that comes & every sunrise we see is one more day closer to the end of this pregnancy. It is one day closer to our dark tunnel of saying goodbye & the fear & grief that will follow. As much as I try to celebrate this pregnancy & Zeke's life, I also grieve for him at the same time. One of my grandpa's favorite hymns were Amazing Grace. I used to play it just because reminded me of him. Now I play it at least every other day to remind myself of the truth.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me....
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

T'was Grace that taught...
my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear...
the hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares...
we have already come.
T'was Grace that brought us safe thus far...
and Grace will lead us home.

The Lord has promised good to me...
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be...
as long as life endures.

Here is the whole song from you tube.

1 comment:

  1. wow Stef! Your Grandfather instilled something very special in you, and you are carrying it on in such a beautiful way. I know your Grandfather must be very proud of his "legacy" today!