Monday, March 29, 2010

you never know.....

So I am sitting here at the hospital w/ Elijah. The same hospital that we have been told Zeke will be at if he is not born completly healthy. The same hospital where I may be spending my summer days. I have had alot of time to think today. Alot of time to be grateful, scared, petrified & curious.

I have been wondering if this is what my life will be like. Wondering how we are going to handle a newborn baby in the hospital. It has been agonizing being here for just 9 hours w/ my 7 year old. I can't begin to imagine how families do it on a daily basis. Your friends become the nurse's, your house becomes the hospital room & you get used to take out or the hospital cafeteria. I didn't sign up for this! I didn't sign up for the unknown when it comes to the health of my baby. We faced 7 hours of not knowing what was wrong w/ Elijah's heart & I will tell you that was the LONGEST, SCARIEST 12 hours!! My whole life flashed before my eyes. You feel so helpless when you child is sick & you feel like no doctor cares as much as you do about the health as your child. To trust a stranger w/ you son's life is hard. It is so hard to trust that he will do what is best for him. It made me think isn't God the same way... Don't we have to trust God in the whole situation? People always say trust God he will never forsake you. Honestly when you are faced w/ such a scary situation like your son having a heartrate of 253 & your unborn son facing death at every corner, how can you not feel forsaken at times like these? All I could do was laugh because I know if I stopped & really thought about all that was & is happening to us the tears of anguish would never stop flowing.

At what point is enough enough!! I feel the attack on my children so strong it is beyond the furious stage. All 3 of my boys have had life & death situations that has only proven to me the call on their life is so great it can only mean 1 thing. They need alot of prayer & alot of protection from the enemy. I am not going go into how many times my children have come to the brink of death or severe sickness in the last few years but it is definatly to many times to count. So what does all that mean? Is the call on their life that strong that the enemy keeps trying to take them out? We can all believe what we want, but the bottom line is..... My Boys are going to do mighty things for God & the enemy has no right to come this close to them. I am praying for a hedge of protection so strong and so thick that the enemy will not even be able to smell what my boys are going to do for the kingdom of God!!

I am not only fighting for Elijah & Malachi, but I am fighting for Zeke! I started to feel bad this afternoon that I was so focused on fighting for Zeke I didn't realize how sick my 2boys at home were. Now that Elijah has been diagnosed w/ pnemonia I feel even worse, but I know in my gut that is just the enemy trying to beat up.

You never know what the next day can hold for you. You also never know how much God will be there for you when that day comes crashing down. I have said it before & I am going to say it again.... Don't worry about tomorrow, because God is already there! Honestly I am glad I don't know what the next day has in store for me after the last few months I have had every day is full of suprise's & not always the good ones.

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