Some people think talking is good, bad, or annoying. Some people don't talk much, other's talk way to much. It is known that women talk a whole lot more than men do.
Today I went to ikea w/ a new friend of mine from church. We do what any other girls do when they get together and that is TALK. I never know when or if I should bring up Zeke. I do not want it to be all that is about me, but I feel like I am ignoring him if I don't bring him up. My friend Shannon told me with tears in her eye's that she knew, she had read parts of my blog and she knew about Zeke. What a relief ! She told me what any grieving mommy loves.... "you can talk about him whenever you want!" We bonded at that moment! =) As cheesy as that might sound, she understood and that is everything to me. It is not that I do not have other friends that let me talk about him, I do and I am forever grateful for them. It is just an awkward "elephant in the room" kinda thing when you are meeting a person for the first time and building a friendship. You just don't know when to bring it up.
So I opened up and I talked about him, told his story on and off in between our fun little trip to ikea. I got teared up a few times but it is so soothing to talk about him and to know that the person you are talking to sincerely cares. I never realized how much I LOVE talking about Zeke until today. I always felt guilty when I didn't "cry" or I was always afraid it was because "i was dwelling on our trauma" or I couldn't get passed the "bad" that happened to us and wanted people to know that yes we went through a horrible time but we are still standing. Yes maybe some of that is true, but honestly talking about him and telling his story is like telling my mom something funny that Malachi or Elijah did. Zeke is my little boy and just like I love talking about Elijah and Malachi. It is okay for me to LOVE talking about Zeke, even if it is not a good outcome or a funny story.
So Shannon, thank you! Thank you for allowing me to talk to you and share my story with you. More importantly thank you for our new friendship .