I need to sleep. I have a LONG day of traveling ahead of me, but I also know I need to write.
The last 48 hours have been so crazy and so unexpected I still do not know how it is even happening. It feels like a bad dream, then again it seems like dejavu. Not that I am comparing, but it is alot of loss in a 10 month span. Just when I feel like I am turning a corner and trying to see my blessings, we loose such an amaising woman at such an unexpected time. How do you deal with this? We all say trust God and he will be by your side but I need something more tangible and I don't want that to come across the wrong way, but darn it I want a reason for all this! I want to know what in the world is going on and why did I have to loose 3 major people in my life in less than a year. I am not trying to throw a pity party, I just can't believe that such loss has come thru our family in such a short amount of time. I went 14 years and was lucky to only have to go to 1 funeral. Today I will have had to do 3 in 10 months of each other. How do you see God in all this? How do people survive with out him. I may be full of so many questions I feel like I am going to burst or better yet punch a freaking wall, but in the deapest part of my being I know the truth. It happens to be something my grandma used to always say. " Stef don't worry about tomorrow sweetie, because God is already there!" Yes my grandma went to be with Jesus Wednesday and as much as it hurts I know she is still with me and I am thankful her legacy will live on in me. I plan on writing more about her and how amazing she was, & how wonderful the dream I had was of Zeke being there when she crossed into heaven.
Please pray for us this next week as we deal with everything and having to face saying goodbye to her.