Sunday, February 28, 2010

Survival & Strength

We go into a pregnancy taking all our vitamins, drinking water, eating healthy, exercising, & doing what we can to make sure we have a healthy baby. When you finally announce that you are pregnant to all your family & friends one of the first things we ask is "ahhh are you hoping for a boy or a girl?" What do we usually say? "You know as long as it is healthy, that is all that matters." What if that baby isn't healthy? Will you love it any less? Will you ignore it? Will you choose to terminate? Will you resent that baby? If God trust's you in this trial, will you accept it? No one can predict how you would handle this news, no one can expect you to act a certain way.

Never do we think that we will walk into the doctor's office for a regular check up.To have your doctor tell you your baby is not healthy, & he will not live long after birth if he even survives to 40 weeks in your belly. No one can prepare you for the suffocating, and earth shattering news. You always think that it will happen to someone else, not you & then it does. The room starts to spin & you think it is all a bad dream. So what do you do when your worst nightmare becomes your reality? How do you function after you walk out of that doctor's office? No one can tell you how to act, feel or even think when you are battling with this nightmare. Let me tell you the things some people say are unbelievable. You immediately have compassion for other people who have walked in your shoes. It is so true when they say you don't truly know what people are going thru until you personally have gone thru the same trial. Everyone goes thru things, & everyone has there own trials and struggles. Some trials & struggles are different than other's but the compassion is the same. You grow up and you learn things about yourself, you never thought was in you. You discover strength you only could imagine. The strength that only can come from God. I don't know how I would get through this w/ out God, he is truly the reason I am still waking up everyday, he is helping me breathe & focus on the next task.

I say all this for one reason. We ask, we pray & sometimes we expect for God to give us what we ask. Are willing to take what God gives whether it is what we asked for or not? Are we willing to lay it all down at the cross for him. I prayed and I asked God for a baby after we suffered a loss in the spring. When I found out I was pregnant, I just assumed & expected for a healthy baby, but that wasn't God's plan. Now his plan may be to heal Zeke before he is born and oh how I pray it is, but how can we ever know what God is up to. We can't. We have to learn to just love him & to worship him because of who he is, not what he can give us.

Tonight that is were I am at. I am worshiping God for who is. He is our Abba Father,
He is our comfort in time of need & He is the one we praise when we have a good day or we have a bad day. God is in control. God will not forsake us. No matter what our day is like, no matter what we feel, God is there with us whether we feel him or not.


  1. It will all work out the way it is supposed to. You have a good head on your shoulders and enough faith to make it through. Our niece got group B Strep from her delivery in August and when she was 2 weeks old, developed spinal meningitis, thus having numerous seizures and two strokes. She goes in tomorrow for brain surgery (a permanent shunt) and will probably be disabled in some way or another. Needless to say, it all happens for a reason and as part of THE plan. We may not understand why or how, but we really can't, can we? Hang in there and keep posting updates!

  2. I am not sure if you are familiar with her story but Angie Smith, the wife of Christian singer Todd Smith (member of Selah) has a blog and went through the exact same thing you are going through with her daughter Audrey. You should check out her blog.

  3. opps. I got the link wrong. It is