Friday, January 8, 2010
Well I figured I am getting alot of phone calls and I just dont have the strength to keep going over the details so my blog is going back to work.
As most of you know we were very excited to be pregnant after the miscarriage last spring. We were so excited to have a new baby, a new house, & David getting transfered and promoted to Texas. Everything was turning around for us and we were so hopefull for the New Year and what happiness it was going to bring us.
At 14 weeks I was tested for the gentic chromosome defects, Downs Syndrome and Trisomy 18. The blood test came back positive for Trisomy 18 which means that we had a 1 & 5 chance of the baby not surving birth & would have major organ defects. We had to wait until the 17 week mark to have an ultrasound for them to look at the organs. We prayed and believed that the test was just a false positive and that we would be totally relieved to see her healthy and growing on that ultrasound screen.
January 7th will be a date I will never forget. Our precious beautiful baby has no kidneys, she has 1/2 of a heart, & alot of fluid on her brain. Trisomy 18 was confirmed yesterday & we are devestated. I am being sent to a specialist next week to get a better look at the ultrasound & to find out exactly what the next step is. The baby is meausuring about 3 weeks smaller than she should be & they do not know how much longer I will stay pregnant before I either go into labor on my own or if I will actually stay pregnant until 36 weeks @ which they would then induce me & I would deliver her. She more than likely will be stillborn, she may live a few min. we just don't know what to expect. We do know that w/ out a supernatural miracle we will not be bringing home a baby this summer. I feel like I am in a horiable nightmare & I just can't wake up.
I want to fall apart but I also have a wonderful husband & our 2 little boys that are SO EXCITED to be big brothers to their baby. Malachi is so happy he is getting a baby for his birthday. I just can't imagine what the next few months are going to bring us. It is one thing to go thru a tradgedy like this when it is just you, but when you have to see it thru the eyes of a 5 & 7 year old it is unimaginable. We need alot prayer sent are way & strength beyond measure.
The only thing I can do is take it 1 day at a time, but I also can't stop thinking of the dreadful day when I have to give birth to her & not bring her home. The tears are flowing while I am writing this & just when you think you can not cry anymore you double over in an unimaginable amount of grief no one should ever have to feel or go thru. God will get us thru this I know he will, we will walk with us thru this season & I just pray as a good friend told me yesterday that these ashes will turn to beauty.