I keep putting it off.
I keep thinking nah, its not time for that yet.
But it is!
I'm almost almost 36 weeks and I have not packed my hospital bag yet.
I don't want to.
I don't know what to pack
If I pack that bag, it means 1 thing.
I do not want it to be TIME.
I DONT WANT IT TO BE OVER......
I'm so scared, I'm so petrified of what will happen or what will not happen. I am afraid that he will die, I am afraid that he will live and suffer in pain, I am afraid of our life never being the same "normal". I am afraid of what he might look like. I have had nightmares the last few days of what he could look like and honestly it scares me. I know it shouldn't but it does. I have been honest through this whole journey, I am not going to stop now.
What do you pack in your bag? What do I pack for him? Do i bring just one outfit, or do I bring a couple? Do I bring a stuffed animal & his blanket we picked out? Do I take the tags off of his outfits & wash them or do I just keep them in the drawer next the the receipt's just in case. I don't know how long we will be there, do I pack normal clothes for me? Do I pack snacks, toys or movies for the boys, books for David? Do I take a coming home outfit to get his picture in or do we just put him in the same GA outfit we did w/ the boys while at the hospital? Do I dress him cute & handsome or do I just wrap him in a blanket?
A part of me wants to start packing up his nursery so I don't have to see it when I come home w/ empty arms. The next min I don't want anyone to touch it. I want to finish his nursery this week and just sit in his room and dream of what he will look like playing with all his toys.
So I ask you what would you do? What would you take to the hospital with you? It may be the only time he sees me and is held by me and I want it to be perfect. I don't want to forget anything for him. I don't want to forget anything about him in those precious moments we will have with him. I don't want to have any regrets. Do you have any ideas of keep sake things I could do for the boys?
Oh how I pray that in 6 weeks I come back on here & shower this blog with beautiful pictures of our healthy baby boy sitting at home in his swing or on his daddy's chest.
So as I sit here, I look at that empty suitcase and I wonder what the heck do I put inside it. What do I fill it up with?