Today was just like any other Saturday. Full of baseball games, laughter, and a visit from Grandma & Grandpa. Yes I have grieved and I am still grieving the loss of my baby boy, but my kids need me. I can not just lay in my bed all day and stare at the wall.
The worse is yet to come, I still have to deliver Zeke. I still have to walk into that hospital and walk out with empty arms. So today we went to Target, the Hardware store and then Grandpa took us all for ice cream. Just when I would start to really laugh or have a big grin on my face it hit me, it is not a normal day. My baby is gone and there is nothing that can change that. I have layed in my bed and cried, I have layed on his nursery floor and cried, but then my boys come in and ask for a popsicle or help w/ the sprinkler and I realize I am still there mommy. I can not just lay around and grieve.
I have to learn how to function and be their mommy while I mourn the loss of their baby brother. So yes today we went to ball games and store's and we played outside, because that is what my boys needed they needed a normal day.
I Will Carry You (Audrey’s Song)
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I'm not
Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who's chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says ...
I've shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?
I love this song and have it playing constantly on my ipod I hope you the lyrics minister and touch you like they have me.